In a relationship, a good man will never do these 10 things. I've always held myself to a high standard when it comes to how I act in r...
In a relationship, a good man will never do these 10 things.
I've always held myself to a high standard when it comes to how I act in relationships, and that was before I was a professional speaker, writer, and coach on the subject.
But that doesn't mean I'm perfect. In fact, I'm very far from it. I fail more often than I'd like to admit, but I still believe in always following a code. A set of rules that tells not only what to do but also what not to do.
Even if you have "bad days," are in a bad mood, or let stress from the outside world get to you, there are some things that good men will never do because it goes against who they are.
Let's explore:
1: He will never make you feel undervalued.
One of the highest honors a person can get is to be in a monogamous relationship with someone. You have a completely independent person who is choosing you out of billions of other people to spend what could be the rest of their life with.
Now, imagine taking that honor for granted and acting in ways that would make this person feel alone, unimportant, and unwanted in the relationship...
No good man could imagine doing something like that, and if he gets distracted, overwhelmed, or distant without meaning to, and you tell him how you feel, he will quickly and effectively fix the problem by pulling you close and telling you that you are his top priority and will be treated as such going forward.
He will never mess with your mind or heart.
We've all been in situations where we're not sure if what someone says or does is real. Seeing how they say one thing but do another...
This could be a simple case of laziness or forgetfulness, but it could also be a deliberate attempt to make you feel insecure or less sure of yourself, or to make you try harder to "win someone over."
No matter why, good men go into relationships with clear goals and actions that match those goals. They wouldn't lead you astray, lie to you, or break your trust.
3: He won't keep anything from you.
I've heard it all from clients over the years, from people hiding texts with a coworker to people living completely different lives with different families who eventually found out about each other.
No matter how big or small, there is one thing that all of these things have in common: good men don't keep things from their partners.
Let's be clear: I think people have a right to privacy, and it's possible for someone to have insecurities, parts of their past, or inner pain/desire/whatever that they don't want to share with others.
This point is about hiding, lying, or tricking on purpose, which is something no good man would ever do.
4: He won't ever make you "sell yourself" to him.
Ask yourself if you think the man you're with really cares about you as a person. Your intelligence, your ambition, your drive… or do you feel like he puts you in situations where you have to "prove yourself" to him? To "prove" that you're "worthy" of his love, time, or attention?
Healthy relationships are made up of two people who see the value in each other and show it often.
If you always feel like you have to work for his love, it's probably not real love.
***I'm not saying you shouldn't put effort into the relationship. Both partners need to consistently "try" for the other person, but there's a big difference between putting in effort because you care about someone and putting in effort because you have to.
5: He will never bring you down.
If a man has big goals and dreams for his life, it would be best for him to be with a woman who does, too.
When these kinds of people get together, they can work as a team and reach their shared goals.
Then, it seems counterintuitive and unhelpful to think that someone would try to discourage or downplay their partner's strengths or goals.
A good man will cheer for you the most. Your support system. Your biggest source of hope, just like he is for you. He knows that if everyone works together, nothing is impossible.
6: He will never say anything bad about how you look.
This is a big one, not because looks are the most important thing (we all know that's not true), but because a man who criticizes your looks knows it will hurt your self-esteem and confidence even more.
If you've asked him what he thinks about your outfit, your new glasses, or how your new pants fit...
That's a very different conversation from someone who is trying to play on your insecurities. This is usually a sign of emotional abuse, where the person is trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you won't leave him because you won't think you deserve better.
(You do).
7: He won't cheat on you EVER.
Non-negotiable.
"But James, people make mistakes…"
Listen, cheating isn't something that just happens sometimes. It takes a series of things happening before the cheating itself.
If it's a full-fledged affair, you need to build an emotional bond. A string of dates and kisses. A lot of lies to hide the bad things that are going on.
If it's a "one-time thing," you have to look at each other across the bar, share a drink, have a flirty, personal conversation, and be invited to a hotel room...
One doesn't "just cheat" in one step; it takes either a plan to do so or a complete lack of interest in you and your relationship, or both.
No matter what, it is never an accident, and good men will never accept it.
8: You can always count on him.
Trust is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship. It has to be earned over time and then kept up. It is a fragile but necessary part of the puzzle, and if it isn't there, the whole thing can fall apart.
If he wants you to trust him, he won't put himself in a position where he could break that trust. As point #7 says, it's not just cheating; it could be anything that shows your values aren't the same or that he's broken your trust.
People do make mistakes, but trust is not something to mess around with or take for granted, because it takes a long time to fix once it's broken.
9: He will never try to make you feel less important.
If a man really cares about you as a person, he knows that your feelings are real, true, and valid. It doesn't matter if he fully understands or relates to how you feel, because everyone has a different background, upbringing, and point of view.
What does matter is that he cares about how you feel and respects it. This will make him listen more carefully and give you a more thoughtful answer.
He just wants to make you doubt yourself by making you doubt your feelings or what your heart is telling you. Don't let someone else make you doubt that you know yourself better than anyone else.
10: He won't hurt you in any way.
A good man will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever abuse another person, let alone the woman he has promised his love to.
Love never hurts other people.
Bad people never hurt other people.
There's no way around it.
When you're with a good guy, his job is to make you feel safe. To keep you safe. To keep an eye out for you. To be someone you can trust on your journey through life.
As soon as a man uses his strength to hurt you, either physically or emotionally, he should cut you out of his life completely.
There's no way around it. You deserve better, and you should keep that in mind in everything you do.
No man deserves you if he hurts you. There are a lot of good men in the world who are willing to give you the love and attention you've been looking for... Don't miss out on that chance because of someone who doesn't value you.
James Michael Sama is a well-known speaker, author of the book "Unlocking Love," and personal development coach who is known all over the world.
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