Men who know women well know these 15 things.

 Men who know women well know these 15 things. Men are taught from a young age to keep this idea in their heads: Women are so complicated! T...

 Men who know women well know these 15 things.

Men are taught from a young age to keep this idea in their heads: Women are so complicated! They are hard to figure out. They are a puzzle!

I think we need to pay attention to two facts in order to stop this story:

Don't worry about being able to understand every woman. There's nothing scientific about them. Instead, spend your time getting to know the woman you like and want to build a life with. In this case, she is the only person who matters.

2: If you really try, you'll be shocked (that's sarcasm) to find out that women are people just like you and me, and that many of their wants and needs are similar to yours and mine.

But, alas, it will always seem like some men just "get" women, while the rest struggle through dating as if it were an obstacle course.

What do these "elevated" men seem to know that the rest of the men don't? Let's explore:

She still needs to be taken care of.

It doesn't matter, my fellow Christians, how much she knows or how much money she makes. It doesn't matter how powerful she is at work, how many people work for her, or how much her pants cost.

What matters is that she was a woman before all of that, and she will always be a woman.

A woman with wants, needs, desires, and deep feelings that she may not always tell you about but are always there.

No, this doesn't mean she wants to be saved like a damsel in distress or that she wants you to step in and pay all her bills so she can quit her job and stay home eating chocolates on the couch (though, it might).

It means she still wants to know if you can "be the man" within the limits of your relationship. That, while she has strengths, you do, too.

You have the skills to step up to the plate, whether you use them or not.

The truth is that anyone who decides to spend the rest of their lives with someone needs to know that person can keep their end of the deal. What if we have trouble with our health? What if we (hopefully) live to be old together and she needs to be taken care of?

Will you show up? Do you think you can do it? Are you up to doing it?

She asks herself these questions to decide if she wants to say "yes."

2: She's too busy to waste time trying to figure out if you're serious.

When you get to a certain age, the desire to play games just goes away.

Women who have grown up and are building their own lives don't want to wait around to see if you're on the same level as them.

So, how do you show her right away that you mean business?

You show up every time. You really try hard on your dates. You don't just vanish for days on end. You really care about what she says and does. You really care about what is going on in her life. In return, you tell her about the things you really care about.

But here's the catch: none of this can be faked (for too long). If you want her to think you're a serious guy, you need to act like one. We'll talk about that more in a bit.

3: Take care of yourself first.

There's a balance here. I think that strong, healthy relationships are made up of two people who love and support each other no matter what. That means there will be hard times, challenges, struggles at work, financial stress, and illnesses. Life will throw you a lot of obstacles, and you need to be with someone who promises to be there for you through all of them (as you do for them).

But that doesn't mean you should pack up everything you own and leave it on her doorstep.

I think it's up to each of us to work on ourselves, figure out who we are and what we're here for (more on that later), and be at least a little bit happy with our lives before we can even think about getting into an adult relationship.

Relationships need a strong base to stand on, and if one of the pillars of that base is weak and falling apart, the rest of the relationship will fall apart on top of it.

4: She cares more about how she looks than you do.

One of the people I coach privately is a lot more handsome than he thinks he is. But, like most of us, he has some doubts about how he looks because of the stories that society has told us.

We have to look a certain way, be built a certain way, and meet a certain aesthetic ideal.

Women have had to deal with a lot more of this kind of pressure over the years, but men have also had to deal with it in their own ways.

But this client has also realized that many of the men he sees in relationships just aren't that attractive.

He didn't understand what this meant until we talked about what women really want.

We all want to be with someone we like, but putting looks at the top of the "wanted" list is a very male way of thinking.

Since it came from a man, it wasn't a surprise.

But just because someone looks good doesn't mean they are a good partner. They don't stick by your side when things are hard. They don't even mean they'll be good people.

What their genes gave them (or didn't give them) on the outside has almost nothing to do with what's going on inside.

People can have beautiful personalities even if they aren't physically attractive.

The same thing also works backwards.

The point is that there are no guarantees, and women know this.

It doesn't matter how good-looking you are or how defined your abs are or how sharp your jawline is if she doesn't feel safe and secure around you.

5: Just because she is strong, that doesn't mean she wants to beat you.

In a recent article, I said that many men want to date strong women until they do it.

People often think that "strong women" want to be stronger than men. To fit in with the rest of society. In a relationship, to be the "masculine" one.

In general, that's a bunch of nonsense spread by weak men who feel threatened for no reason.

When a woman brings her feminine strength to a relationship, she wants it to match your masculine strength so that the two of you can work together to create harmony.

She doesn't want to be better or more important than you.

She doesn't want a small dog that she can put in her purse and walk around with.

She wants a partner with whom she can be equal, respect, love, admire, and learn.

She wants him to be confident enough to love, respect, admire, and learn from her.

6: Make room for being weak.

When two people are willing and able to be vulnerable with each other, they become closer emotionally.

Yes, this also applies to you.

No matter how strong or tough people try to look, we all experience the full range of feelings that come with being human.

The only difference is how much we show them to the outside world.

I do think that the best relationships are between two people who are willing to let each other be vulnerable.

Who let each other say what they want without judging.

Who feel safe enough with their partner to tell them how they really feel. When they need help, to ask for it. To be proud of the problems they face.

This is a big piece of the puzzle, because if you're not willing to open up, there will always be walls between the different parts of you. These walls might be there to keep pain out, but they can also keep happiness and love out.

Time is more important than "stuff."

We all like nice things, I guess. We all like getting presents now and then, and it's also fun to give them.

We work hard to keep up a certain standard of living, but the real gift is not the Louis Vuitton bag you just bought her—the it's time you get to spend together.

You might think that's corny, but I bet the women are nodding their heads in agreement.

If you don't believe me, think about a bad or unhealthy relationship and imagine that the gaps are being filled with things. Buying something over and over as a way to say sorry. Even if you buy a new pair of shoes or a piece of jewelry to make up for a mistake, it won't fix the real problem.

The real benefit of working the way you do is that you have time to spend with each other, get to know each other better, and make the most of the time you have on earth together.

That's the best thing you can spend your money on.

8: She wants to know that he wants her.

Some damage has been done by social media and texting, but let's work to fix it...

Not sending her a "you look hot" text will not make her feel wanted.

It's not the things people say about her on social media.

It's not boring to say nice things about how she looks (see #4).

When you really feel wanted, the experience is much deeper and more meaningful.

It's about being seen as a woman and cared for and valued as a person.

It's about you seeing and appreciating all the things that other people didn't see or care about.

It's how you talk to her, hold her, and look at her...

Nobody else has ever given her the care and respect that you do.

It's the little things that make her feel physically and emotionally closer to you. That's what makes her feel like she's really connected to you, and that will always be more important than lame physical compliments.

9: You have to MAKE her trust you (for a variety of reasons).

Here's the truth: a lot of guys are just bad.

There is a lot of lying, not being loyal, being manipulated, and even being abused.

Quite a bit.

(Don't worry, I know that a lot of women are also terrible, but this article isn't about them.)

This means that her history with men has probably been, well, let's just say "checkered."

She's been hurt. She has been told a lie. She's been left alone. She's been through everything, and maybe even more.

This proves that she will have some ideas about men that have nothing to do with you.

Is it fair? No.

Is it for real? Yes.

So, you're going to have to step up and show her that you really are different.

She probably won't believe you at first, but if you really are different, that's okay, because you'll be willing to put in the time and effort to show her you're serious.

This is actually a good thing, because once you make that connection and she sees you for who you really are, it will be much harder to break than a relationship built on shaky ground.

10: It's true that the little things matter the most.

We've all heard this saying, but how many of us really know what it means?

In a relationship, it's the little things like remembering someone's favorite candy or bringing them back their favorite coffee or sending random "I miss you" texts that show who you are.

Things that most people don't think about.

Most people try to hit home runs. The big displays of love. If I spend enough money on her, she'll know how serious I am.

What's more, anyone can do that. Because it's more...say let's "commercialized," it's almost easier to do the big things.

But it takes a lot of work to do the little things. It shows that you really do think about her at odd times, that she's always on your mind, and that important things always make you think of her.

You can't buy any of that with money.

11: Communication is important, even if you're not good at it.

Women are better at communicating than men because of how they were made, but you don't need a study to tell you that.

No matter how good a communicator you are (and this is a skill everyone should work on because it's useful in all parts of life), healthy and open communication is a key part of a happy relationship.

You must be able to say what you want and what you need.

You need to be able to listen and talk well.

I mean, come on, you have to know how to flirt or you'll seem as boring as cardboard.

Depending on how it's done, communication in all stages of a relationship can either cause or solve huge problems.

12: She needs you to shut up and listen to her sometimes.

This one can be hard for men because when we hear about a problem, our first instinct is to try to solve it.

Often, that is neither what she needs nor what she wants.

If she tells you something she's upset about, she may just want you to listen.

It also shows that she trusts you enough to share her thoughts and worries with you, which you should respect and honor by letting her talk.

"But James, what if she asks for your opinion or advice?

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Then you give her your thoughts or advice. The idea is that asking for that information is not the default.

She just wants help while she figures things out on her own.

13: When you're emotionally close, the sex is better.

Most of the time (but not always), men and women see sex in different ways.

Guys can (again, in general) just flip a switch and have fun, while women (again, in general) look for more of an emotional connection or bond to make the experience better.

This is very true in relationships that last for a long time.

Real closeness is more about how you feel than how you look. Building an emotional connection with each other through talking, sharing wants, and building trust is a way to help both of you feel more secure and safe in the experience.

So, this makes the mind, heart, and body more free.

It makes people feel more at ease with each other.

None of that can be made up; it has to be built up and kept up over time.

14: She needs you to be sure of who you are.

We've already talked about the idea of identity, which is something I talk about for hours with private clients.

How you see yourself is at the heart of who you are. The conversations and stories you have with yourself that only you know about. Your values, beliefs, and worldviews.

Every day, the choices you make are based on who you are. It has to do with what you do every day. It tells what you think you deserve in life and love.

Men who have a strong sense of who they are don't change. They don't give up their own needs to give other people what they think they want. They don't change their morals or values to please other people.

If you have a strong identity, she knows who you are and what she's going to get from you.

It means that she can rely on you.

It means you really believe what you say you do.

It means you will be reliable and consistent.

All of these are traits that are very important and can't be undervalued.

15: She needs to be seen for who she really is and loved for that.

Men have been putting her into groups her whole life. Patronized. Overlooked. Hired because of how she looked. She was fired for how she looked. She was told to "chill out" or "calm down," that she was "too much," and that she wasn't enough.

She has always been told a story about who she is and what she can do. She didn't choose this story, but everyone else seems to believe it.

The piece of who she is that we talked about in #14 shows who she really is.

You are who you are, and she is who she is.

What does she really own? Not what the world has told her she is, but what she really is.

What is her name?

What are her strengths, what does she care about, and what does she think about important things in the world?

What does she need to do?

These are the things that matter most when getting to know someone and loving them.

Not her favorite color, movie, or song, but what makes her who she is.

When you fall in love with her as she really is—uncensored, unapologetic, and unfiltered—nothing will ever make her feel more important.