These 12 things are what you should get from your partner. How high do you set the bar? How much do you think you deserve the love, closene...
These 12 things are what you should get from your partner.
How high do you set the bar?
How much do you think you deserve the love, closeness, and special treatment you want in a relationship?
It's one thing to want something, but it's something else entirely to believe you deserve it.
The problem is that no amount of wanting can take the place of knowing what you deserve. You won't start getting what you deserve until you know what it is. Only then will you change how you act and raise your standards to get it.
People often have trouble putting their minds around this level of care, so it stays hidden in a cloud of vague ideas.
Below, we'll talk about some of the things you should expect from a close partner. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
1: You deserve consistency.
Without consistency, you can't build anything really strong. This is a key piece of the puzzle.
If the person you're dating is on and off, hot and cold, or disappears for days or weeks at a time without seeing you or talking to you, it will be hard to fully commit to the idea of building a life with them.
How can you? You never know for sure if they'll be there the next day, so you always hesitate just enough to keep from making a real connection.
Or, you'll jump in headfirst anyway, and you're likely to be let down when their inconsistency gets worse.
You should be with someone whose words, actions, and feelings are always in sync. They always show up when they say they will. You make plans every week and stick to them. Over time, they work to gain your trust, just as you work to gain theirs.
Consistency isn't just important in the first few days, weeks, or months of dating; it should be part of who they are as a person. This will help you build a life together.
2: You deserve open and honest communication.
Simply put, there is no other way to connect with someone in a real way. Open and honest communication is what will show you who this person really is, let you show them who you really are, and help you both build trust.
You'll be able to say what you want, what you need, what you like, and what you don't like. The best way to figure out if you are really compatible is to learn as much as you can about each other.
No matter how well you get along, though, you will go through different stages of life together. Perhaps you'll get married. Maybe you'll have kids. You might travel. One of you could get fired or laid off, get sick, or lose a family member...
As a couple, you will have to go through every big change and life event together. To come up with a plan. To figure out what the best next steps are that will get both of you where you want to go.
We can only do this if we talk to each other and work together.
3: You deserve respect.
Respect moves through a relationship like blood moves through a muscle.
If your partner respects you, he or she:
They move at your speed and stay out of your way.
They pay attention to what you say and take it into account when making decisions.
They try to avoid doing things that might upset you.
They care about you and your happiness as much as they do about their own.
They see you as an equal member of the team and a life partner.
They never, ever think about cheating or any other kind of abuse.
They also treat themselves with respect and let you know when they want or need something.
4: You deserve to be accepted in every way.
Let's be honest: you're not perfect. It's okay. Even if we don't want to admit it, we all do.
But our flaws make us who we are. They're what makes us different from other people. They are sometimes what makes someone fall in love with us in the first place.
We all also have something else in common: a past. Of course, some are smoother and more clear than others.
There may be things from your past that you're not proud of or that are still with you today.
But the right person will love and accept you all for who you really are.
Don't get me wrong, they don't have to like everything, just like you might not like everything. There are things from our pasts that we might not be proud of or even regret. But it's still a part of who we are.
To be fully loved, you have to be accepted for all of your parts, good and, well, not so good.
5: You should be the most important thing.
I know that people's lives are busy. We all have jobs, businesses, chores, responsibilities, bills, kids, etc.
But I've always thought that if you enter into a conscious, adult relationship with another person, you're promising to put them at the top of your list of priorities.
Your feelings, your happiness, and your time should all be more important than other things.
If you can't trust someone to put you first when you're just getting to know them, what makes you think they'll start doing it later?
6: You deserve (mutual) trust.
This means that you can both fully trust each other.
Without trust, I don't think there can be real and full love. If you always doubt someone's actions and intentions, how can you give them your whole heart and soul without giving anything up?
How could you feel safe if they're out with friends, texting a coworker, or traveling for work?
There would always be something in the back of your mind about who they "really are" underneath the surface. This would make you suspicious, even though it might not be true.
Of course, that's a whole different conversation if someone breaks your trust or gives you a reason to doubt them.
On the other hand, you need to work hard to earn their trust and keep it over time.
7: You have the right to feel loved.
The catch is how you feel. We all feel and show love in different ways, and it's important that the person you're with makes an effort to show you love in a way you can fully understand.
For example, if your love language is physical touch and theirs is words of affirmation, they can tell you how they feel until they're blue in the face, but you won't hear it — literally.
You'll just wonder why they aren't giving you the physical touch you need, and there will be a gap between what they give and what you get.
8: You deserve support.
Help in a relationship comes in many different forms. When you or a family member is sick, you may need help. You might need it if you're sad or having trouble with something. You might also need it if you want to get a new degree or start a new career or business.
The right partner should always be there for you and cheer you on. They should never make you feel alone or left out.
9: You deserve passion.
We all want to know that our partner wants us. Being really wanted means more than just being wanted in the bedroom. It also means being wanted outside of the bedroom.
Passion for you means that someone wants you to be a part of their life. It's about loving every part of who you are and being very thankful for your presence in their life.
This kind of understanding creates a deeper bond, connection, and closeness than lust ever could.
Every time you do something together, whether it's exciting or boring, it shows that you care about each other. Passion is both physical and emotional. It shows in the way you hold hands, cuddle at night, travel together, and look at each other across the room.
10: You deserve peace.
Peace is just as important as passion, if not more so. When it's just the two of you and it's quiet, you feel at peace. In the times when life isn't too crazy. The Sunday mornings in bed, the Friday nights on the couch, and, hell, even the occasional trip to the grocery store when you're holding hands in the car.
If you can't live peacefully with the person you're committing to, everything will always feel rushed and strained. There won't be any balance, comfort, or "settling in."
11: They should give you their full attention.
Relationships aren't something you can do part time; you're either in or out. Too many people, though, treat other people's feelings like a "side job" that they only pay attention to when they have a few minutes here and there.
The only way to really build a strong foundation that will last a lifetime is to give it your all.
12: You deserve someone who is confident in themselves.
Maybe a surprise, but an important conclusion.
People who have a lot of self-worth care about their own time, feelings, and health.
If you want to build your life with someone, you should make sure they can be your teammate. Getting their jobs done. Getting on the same level as you.
Also, you need to know they'll be around for a while, which means you need to pay attention to how they take care of their own mental and physical health.
Like you, someone with high self-worth will put personal growth first.
They'll push you and make you want to improve, just like you do for them.
They will keep learning new things and getting better at old ones, which will keep them interesting and fun to watch.
And it will keep you from falling because they'll have enough self-respect to tell you if there's something they need from the relationship but aren't getting.
When two people with a lot of self-respect get together, they expect the best from themselves, from each other, and from their relationship as a whole.
They know what's coming to them.
When you expect more from yourself in this way, you often get it.
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